Sigmund Freud has postulated that there lies within each of us a drive for death. As we see the self-destructive tendency operating wide-spread throughout humankind, it is easy to accept the reality of such a drive. I have certainly found it functioning with great strength within myself.

This book is the story of how I overcame thanatos, the drive for death, to elicit eros, the drive for life.

The informed use of psychedelic substances has been a key element in my personal growth. The material presented here is not intended in any way to encourage the use of illicit substances. Nor for that matter, the uninformed use of any substance, licit or illicit. The substances described in this book are powerful, and can easily be misused. They should be employed only with integrity and a thorough knowledge of their characteristics, both benefits and adverse affects.

I believe these pages contain ample evidence to support the value and usefulness of such substances. I hope that this evidence will encourage rational efforts toward further scientific exploration of these materials and the establishment of procedures to take advantage of their remarkable potential.

I am confident that in time, we will learn to use psychedelic substances to explore many aspects of science, art, history, psychology, and spirituality. The dimensions of the mind that can be realized are limited only by our willingness to enter them; eons of fascinating exploration await us.

Curious investigators focus on the particular areas that appeal to them. I have confined my own explorations within the framework of two major paradigms: psychotherapy and spirituality. My motivation is simple. Most of my life I have experienced very uncomfortable feelings. My primary motivation is simply to feel good. To accomplish this, I found great assistance through understanding my own personal psychic dynamics. This taught me to comprehend my values and behavior, and what I could do to achieve a more comfortable, satisfying, fulfilling life.

Even more helpful was my willingness to discover and draw upon the essential healing forces of the universe. By focusing on the innate life force, I found it possible to realize a level of wisdom, understanding, and universal love that I had not previously known possible.

Consequently my personal explorations generally focused on spiritual development.

Many other avenues of exploration are possible, and some of them show up in the experiences reported here. As psychedelic substances are better understood, the eager, dauntless explorers of modern times will range over these new, uncharted seas, and return with great treasures.

Names and locations have been fictionalized in this report to protect personal privacy.

Some of the characters described are composites of individuals. Acknowledgments

I am deeply indebted to many dear friends for making the personal adventure described in this book possible. There are wise ones who provided counsel and guidance, companions who shared deeply in the processes reported here, and courageous individuals willing to explore with little-known substances to extend our knowledge.

Extremely important for me personally have been those intimate friends in special groups who provided a centering, stabilizing force for accurate perception. A major danger in psychedelic use is to become enamored with one's own inner, subjective experience. Often exploring alone in a remote area, I sometimes gave undue weight to such creations. I was frequently rescued from erroneous conclusions by recognizing the accuracy and ingenuity of the perceptions of my companions. I'm especially grateful for this most important discovery:

I find the most enjoyable, stimulating, and fulfilling state in which to function is within the common meeting place of minds.