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Low Doses There are a number of experienced experts in the field of psychedelics who recommend not fooling around with low doses. Andrew Weil, in his chapter in Lester Grinspoon's and James Bakalar's book Psychedelic Reflections, states:
Half doses of psychedelics seldom work. They are more likely to produce
restlessness and dysphoria than the reactions we seek. Several times I have
been in small groups where one member only wanted to take a half dose. That
desire expresses a reluctance to make the necessary commitment to the group,
to the day, to the experience. My advice in that circumstance is take the drug
or not, rather than go it halfway.
Terence McKenna, renowned expert on psychoactive plant materials, also offers similar advice. If you want the real experience, you have to be sure to take enough. Otherwise you may slither around in the nether regions. I know others who share the same view. Their idea is to blast themselves into transcendental levels by taking a goodly amount of a powerful sacrament. I notice, however, when the experiences are over, that this world is often an uncomfortable place for them. The paradise they experience under the glory of the high doses is in sharp contrast to what appears to be the hum-drum, dreary, everyday world. I have never been able to validate personally this information on high doses. For many years the onset of my psychedelic experience has been quite uncomfortable. Very often, increasing the dose level simply increased the agony and the length of time I would struggle until I broke through into a remarkable space. So my experience has been different. I suspect that those who like me have poor self-images, are carrying heavy loads of anger or bitterness, or do not sufficiently trust life may have a more difficult time breaking through into those wonderful transcendental levels. However it may be, I think it worthwhile to examine the other side of the coin and look at possible advantages of taking smaller amounts. Some of the best information that I have accumulated regarding the efficacy of low doses comes from a couple who are both very competent psychologists. On one occasion when they visited us, I was surprised at the very small amount of substance they ingested. Despite this small amount, they both had wonderful experiences. In discussing the topic, they say that the reason most people don't wish to take low doses is that they don't care for the uncomfortable feelings which ensue. These feelings are, however, extremely important. They are precisely those feelings that are interfering with our life, and need to be resolved. Therefore it is worthwhile to experience them, confront them, and resolve them. This sounded like excellent advice to me. So I followed their instructions, and for several journeys I used smaller amounts. I found what they said to be quite true. The feelings were uncomfortable, but I soon realized that they are my feelings, they are an important part of me, and it was important for me to be at home with them. In fact, it seemed clear that these feelings are the source of my discomfort in journeys and in day-to-day life. I willingly confronted them and stayed with them, giving them my full attention until they resolved themselves. This process usually started with me recognizing that I was uncomfortable. Most of the time it was a vague, sluggish feeling that I did not specifically recognize. As I held my attention steadily on it, it would become more clear. Often I would begin to understand what my true feeling was, what were my true desires, or what I was doing wrong with my life or relationships. With recognition, my feelings would begin to release and simply float away. I found that as I worked through them and released them, my feeling of well-being began to rise, as did my energy level. As I continued to work on these feelings, I found myself getting into the same valuable spaces that I cherished with the larger doses. In the end, I concluded with experiences just as profound with the lower doses as I did with larger amounts. But there was a very significant gain: I had resolved a lot of interior debris, so that I felt much more at peace with myself, and the after-effects of the experience stayed with me in a rewarding way for a much longer period of time. Also, since I had learned to deal with my feelings, I became much more adept at handling them as they came up in daily situations. Here are some excerpts from a couple of experiences to illustrate how this has worked for me. Both experiences are with 2C-T-7, for which I consider 20 m.g. to be a full dose:
Jean takes 15 m.g., I take 12 m.g. of 2C-T-7. I am following the suggestion that it may
be more effective to take lighter amounts and work through what I encounter on that level.
The intensity is growing at 1-1/2 hours, and I develop some unpleasant feelings. I'm not concerned; I'll take what I get and see what I can learn. Going into meditation is very pleasant; the discomfort clears up. I enjoy sitting quietly and holding my mind still. However, as soon as I stop concentrating the discomfort returns. I'm not able to pinpoint the source. If I focus on appreciation or love everything turns bright and beautiful. But I prefer to hold still and see if things won't turn out good on their own. I want to feel there is a beneficent Source underlying everything, without me having to do anything about it. I have intimations of this, but I can't get clearly into it. I think about loving myself, and look into a mirror. I have a very amusing experience with a surge of good feelings as I see how much I love myself in a completely self-centered sense. I feel this guy I am looking at is hot shit. Part of me feels wiser, smarter than anybody(!!). It feels very good, because I have never before allowed myself to see my inner inflation. Meditating, I encounter lots of stress resulting from my always setting up goals and objectives and putting a lot of investment into accomplishing them. It feels wonderful to let all my investments go and simply relax. Despite occasionally rising into beautiful experiences and good feelings, I always fall back into a gnawing, deep discomfort. I lie down and relax completely; this releases the discomfort. I realize that I am a failure. I look at this in all its aspects. I feel how powerful is my drive to win. Now it is a great relief to be willing to fail in whatever I attempt. Also, it feels great to indulge in my feelings, free of scruples. I have always controlled my feelings through rational decisions, and now I enjoy indulging them completely, despite inappropriate consequences. I discharge a lot of the discomfort. I want to be in God's presence. Again I look to see if I can feel this Presence without me conjuring up anything. I want to feel God's love for me as I am. Immediately the question arises in my mind whether I accept others the way that they are. I see that I care for people based largely on what they accomplish. I spend some time feeling what it's like to care for others only for their essence. I think of several persons I know for whom this is difficult, but it is rewarding to work on it. After a goodly amount of inner work, it is a welcome change to sit on the deck and drink in the surrounding landscape. Release of repressed feelings cleared my mind and raised my energy level, permitting a marvelous contemplative state. I spend a lot of time looking at my relationship with Jean. I see that when I doubt if she is an appropriate partner, I am making her less. As I drop the judgment, I can feel the expansion of her being. When I turn my attention to her well-being, it raises my own level of enjoyment. While my feeling tone has improved during the day, I can't completely get away from an inner discomfort. I decide to abandon my previous position of just experiencing what's there, and go into an active procedure. I do the loving-kindness meditation, drawing love in from the cosmos on the in-breath, and radiating it out to all around me on the out-breath. This raises the level of joy, despite producing a little tension in my body. As I keep this up, my energy level goes up considerably, along with my feeling of being "on top." I feel some inner hurts, and it is a marvelous release to draw love into them and heal them. I am healing myself, which seems to be the most important thing anyone can do. After thirty to forty minutes of this, everything around me is lit up with energy and love. I am in a whole new state, enormously enjoying the surrounding beauty and wonder. This marvelous feeling stays with me the rest of the day. Here is another experience on 15 m.g. of 2C-T-7:
I am aware of being very forward with Debra, a double widow I met at a family picnic
at the ocean. I realized I talked too much beyond her frame of reference; I must be much
more aware of where people are. Also, I had a hard time withholding judgment as I became
aware of her nasty side. I am very troubled about how to deal with this. The only answer is
love, despite how hard it is.
Jean wants to hear the Moody Blues. I find it obnoxious. Then I thought, if I cared for her, I should be able to share her enjoyment. I discover this to be true. I went through many realizations about love. With true love, you don't mind the pain; it's worth it. For real love, anything is worth it. This is a profound realization. I am able to get deeply into the dynamic of love; this is most gratifying. I lie on the couch and continue the inward journey, which feels very good. It is clear that the whole point is to be with the inner teacher. I come closer and closer to being able to experience the true essence of another person, which seems to me to be the best resolution of judgments. I find myself as a baby in my mother's arms, in bed. I experience a wonderful feeling of peace. I see that much of my life, including a lot of my snuggling time with Jean, is an effort to get back to this feeling of peace where I feel completely cared for and don't have to do anything. I can see why she resents it. I decide it's time to grow up and take responsibility for myself, so I get up. I feel very alert, energized, thoroughly intoxicated, but in excellent command of my body. I can't see any detrimental effect from having had a little breakfast (we usually fast on experience days so as not to dilute the chemical), and my innards are more comfortable. The latter part of the afternoon is the best part of the experience. I am learning how to be with my Teacher, discovering a variety of noteworthy things. I see that this is a most valuable state for everyone to arrive at, and I shouldn't spoil their initiation into it by saying anything about it. It is between each individual and God, and everything is there for the person who wants it. I am more convinced than ever that my interest in saving the world is an escape from my own personal growth. It is most important to develop oneself and one's family and home. At one point, wondering how to turn anger into love, I see that they are opposites and inexorably linked. If I can intensify anger, I can also intensify love. By becoming aware of the depth of my anger, the whole sky turns into the brilliant light of love. Incredible. The universe is there to carry out whatever I wish to do with love. Lapsing into intellectualization cuts off the experience. It requires being totally present, holding the mind still and steady and free of conceptualizing. Then reality reveals itself. I have a remarkable time seeing how much reality I can allow to manifest. The intensity of love, beauty, and meaning continues to grow with attention and gratitude. I find I still have areas to resolve with Jean, but I'm learning more about how to do this all the time. It's a fascinating process, and I am eagerly pursuing it day by day. An experience with Jean and me and another couple is an excellent illustration of the use of small doses. Here are some highlights from the experience we shared together:
We took what would ordinarily be one full dose for a single person of this particular
substance, and divided it four ways. Much to our amazement, it turned out to be a full-blown
experience for all of us! We were all elated with the experience, and enjoyed much beauty,
euphoria, and binding love among the group of us. We particularly appreciated the splendor
of our surroundings. We agreed that it was one of our best experiences in recent times.
At one point in the experience, I suggested that we all be still together, and gave a short guided meditation to induce the stillness. The instructions were very similar to that for watching the breath as in Vipassana meditation, with the added comment of being aware of why we were doing this, to invite the Presence. Our patient willingness to continue the process is a demonstration of our desire, a desire that if sufficiently expressed would undoubtedly be answered. Everyone reported afterwards that this practice opened up a rewarding level of encounter. One said that it set the tone for the day, giving the appropriate direction to the experience. Everyone present was highly motivated to have as profound an experience of the Divine as possible, and found the stillness an effective entry into contact with the Numinous. In mid-afternoon I was feeling some heaviness. I debated whether I should supplement, but I chose not to. When the others decided to go for a walk, I opted to stretch out in a lounge chair on the deck. I went into meditation, and found that as I did so the heaviness began to clear up. I continued this process and found myself moving into a deeper experience of God's Presence. The joy of His love and the wonder of being the instrument for His love welled up in me. Once I began to move into this space, I was content to sit there by the hour and simply enjoy the wonder, the joy, the beauty, and the marvelous grace that was coming to me. One member of the group moved into realms of such beauty it was impossible for her to behold. I don't believe she had previously experienced such profound levels of love and beauty. But then the experience became almost too much. She found it better to walk around, observing the wonder of the late afternoon sunset. This contact with her surroundings maintained stability. She found that the experience came in waves, and at the peak of the waves she would feel marvelous ecstasy and enjoyment. However the next wave would bring anxiety and she would have to work through that again. While this was going on, I lay on a mattress on the side of the house facing the mountains. I closed my eyes, and although I was feeling good, I felt tired. I allowed myself to sink into the tiredness, and told myself I was willing to die. Simply letting go completely, relaxing completely, was a most enjoyable experience. After a while I felt myself in the womb with the most satisfying feeling of not having to do anything. I felt like everything was being taken care of, and I had no responsibilities whatever. This was a very blissful feeling, and I enjoyed it enormously. For quite a long time I felt like Penfield's mouse(3) that held its foot on the pedal which stimulated the pleasure center in its brain. I could have gone on for hours and hours. That evening food was a treat. We thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. A great bonding had grown among us, and although we had always been good friends, this was carried forward into a new dimension of realization. So this experience with an almost insignificant amount of substance turned out to be one of the very best! I was very glad that I hadn't taken the supplement, because it felt very good to reach the same space under my own power. As I described it to the others, it seems necessary to develop a God muscle. If we simply allow ourselves to get into these spaces by taking more substance, then we are not developing what it takes within ourselves to accomplish this on our own. I was very grateful for doing it this way, and felt much stronger inside. Today, four days after this low dose experience, I climbed to a very high place on a very steep mountain and was in remarkably good physical condition. I never had to gulp for air or be out of breath or be tired as I was only the week before. I am at the peak of my physical condition, and I am enjoying this climb more than any I can remember in many, many years. This certainly is the way to live!! I do not mean to imply by the above discussion that low doses are necessarily superior to high doses. They each have their place. In fact, I have often found that supplementing with additional chemical in the middle of an experience has been very salutary, freeing up uncomfortable stuck areas and allowing me to penetrate more deeply into other levels of awareness. And sometimes not. Sometimes the additional amount has simply increased agitation and tension. As described in several reports in this writing, I often found it more rewarding to stick with a smaller amount and confront and resolve the feelings involved. This led to a freeing up and a breakthrough to another level. The push of a higher dose can override one's ability to stay focused on the feelings until they are resolved. Many prefer the higher dose levels in order to reach transcendental levels of awareness. There is absolutely no question that attaining such states is one of the most prized achievements of humankind. It has no equal, and is often a life-changing experience. One accomplished spiritual leader once said to me, "Millions would give most anything they have just to know that such experiences are possible. Thousands of others would gladly die to have such an experience." To reach such a level of awareness must certainly be the first order of business for any individual seeking spiritual fulfillment. But achieving such levels does not guarantee resolving life's problems or maintaining high states of realization. I suspect that lower doses are avoided because of the uncomfortable feelings. I offer here evidence that dealing with such feelings can be very productive in improving one's life situation, and is a course worth considering. For well-balanced development, both high and low doses have their appropriate application. Sherry Anderson and Patricia Hopkin, in their well-researched and beautifully written book The Feminine Face of God, cover the issue of balanced development this way: "We believe that there are two aspects of being in the sacred garden. One part comes through receptivity through grace... We can prepare for this, but how and when it happens is not within our control. "The other part requires choice, an act of conscious intention to embody the sacred in our everyday life. This means that we bring our spiritual insights into every aspect of our lives -- when we chop carrots for dinner, drive on the freeway, confer with our colleagues, and play with our children. "Choice lies at the heart of the matter, because even if you have not had a direct experience of the divine, once you make a conscious choice to act on what you know, the process of spiritual maturing begins." They amplify this statement with a relevant note: "It seems important to add that someone who can access refined states of consciousness is not necessarily spiritually mature... the capacity for mystical states of consciousness is not always an indication of spiritual maturity. Spiritual maturity as we define it is the choice to live out of that consciousness in our ordinary moments." An excellent last word on the choice of dose level comes from a statement by a very good and quite knowledgeable friend: "The issue is not whether to take a high dose or a low dose, but to take a useful dose."
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