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Other New Compounds A large number of compounds have been discovered which are psychoactive. Jean and I have had the opportunity to try several of them, and found a few that were outstanding in their characteristics and warranted further attention. We describe below some of the results on compounds with which we had the most experience, as well as some that we liked but did not have the opportunity to investigate further.
My first trial of MEM, code name for 2,5-dimethoxy-4-ethoxyamphetamine, was not overly impressive. It revealed the characteristics of a good psychedelic, but demonstrated nothing to indicate an advantage over a number of other good compounds. We did find, however, that it had outstanding attributes when preceded by MDMA. The first trial of MDMA followed by MEM was with a group and was quite successful. It was the most enjoyable experience so far with this particular group. For the first time I felt no discontinuity in the transition from MDMA to the second substance. There followed a most delightful afternoon of intimate sharing, good communication, hilarity, and deep appreciation of one another. The experience continued until midnight. Most important, the changes involving inner strength, solidarity, and peace carried on much longer than any previous experience. With this very moving result, we were anxious to continue investigating this combination. We soon repeated the experience, just Jean and I. Again I found it an uninterrupted continuation of the MDMA experience. We had our most detailed discussion to date, clarifying a lot of our history and feelings, ever growing closer. We found that MEM has great power, continuing without letup for hours, well into the night (we started at ten a.m.). We had good physical control, and could do whatever we wished in terms of tasks. Yet the experience was intense. When we retired, we grew into a closeness never before experienced, a superb encounter that united our inner beings. With this data, we wished to expand our knowledge of this combination with other subjects. Several cases are reported below. Ken is a 28 year old musician, earning his living as a computer operator in a small business firm. He has had MDMA three times with his guide, who joins us now.
He and the guide take 130 m.g. of MDMA followed by a supplement of 45 m.g. Three
hours after the start we all take 20 m.g. of MEM. Two hours later Ken and I take 10 m.g.
more, as I find the going very heavy. [Additional chemical is required to overcome heavy
resistance or blockages.]
We make a very close and productive group. Ken is very honest, and likes candid, intimate discussion. As we share with each other, we are drawn very close. We make the transition to MEM with no loss of the euphoric and centering MDMA feeling. Our discussion continues unabated through the afternoon and evening, pushed by a powerful drive from the MEM. It is the most intense, continuing discussion I have participated in. We all learn a great deal from each other and continue to draw closer. A major point of the discussion is whether or not Ken should drop his rather pedestrian job to concentrate on his music. That night I am very restless, as I feel we failed to reach resolution, despite the power and drive of the substance. Ken does not reach his deep inner feelings, and I feel a heavy wall between us. The following morning I see Ken as a very sensitive person struggling to come to terms with his inner self; he needs much time and support. On a walk the next morning we have excellent, free communication, and the wall I feel dissolves. We both feel much power. Jean and I believe this combination has enormous impact with unusual strength. It is long lasting, and keeps one working away at his/her difficulties. Ken was carrying a heavy psychic burden, and succeeded in freeing himself from much of it.
Liz is a 26 year old girl, very attractive, outgoing and full of spunk. She is in an unfortunate marriage, where the partners are quite different and have a difficult time appreciating each other. Liz has strayed from the path and now realizes it will not work out. But does she want to continue in her present marriage? We have several days of good, open discussion, in which Liz reviews her feelings and options. She asks for this experience to reach and know her deeper feelings.
We all take 120 m.g. of MDMA, and it exhibits its usual positive effects. 1-2/3 hours
later we take 20 m.g. of MEM. The transition to MEM is smooth except for Liz, who has a
lot of discomfort. She feels her problem is making her whole body uncomfortable. She is
achy, has a headache and back pain. She struggles with this all day, not feeling any resolution
and not feeling like talking. She is slowly working things out. She feels quite tired most of
the day, which affects Jean and me. It is a hard working day.
While Liz is working, I take her 2-1/2 year old son for a walk. He is a great teacher. I find him remarkably bright and in tune. He knows exactly when I divert my attention from him, and when I am not completely truthful with him. He soaks up information, new words, and new procedures like a hungry sponge, as long as I give him my complete attention. I have an outstanding day, seeing Jean's celestial beauty and experiencing the indescribable essence of female. The driving power of the MEM lasts all night. To be comfortable, I have to keep focusing the power outward, flowing love into situations, to people I know, to healing the world. This is extremely cleansing and uplifting. I awake the following morning feeling elated, body cleansed and in a very sound, stable place. I am concerned that Liz might have been pushed too hard by this combination. She awoke with a bad cold and was tired. She slept in. When she arose she felt she had resolved the situation, and wanted to continue the marriage if her partner agreed. She is glad for the experience and found it helpful. Two days later, Liz has well integrated this experience. She feels very good and has high resolve. She reported that she knew all the time what the outcome would be, but had to clear away the feelings of anger, disappointment, and pain until her true feelings could come in strongly. She abandoned thinking to simply letting go of her feelings and letting them work through. Talking to her husband on the phone, when he reported that he was eager to have her back, all the achiness in her body suddenly ceased. Jean and I both felt a new power and confidence in Liz, like a quantum leap forward. The marriage didn't last; it broke up six months later. But Liz had found excellent strength to deal with all the contingencies. Two years later she found a much more compatible mate. They are living together happily, and have three more children between them.
After the two above experiences, I wrote to friends describing my evaluation of this combination:
At this point, I feel that the MDMA-MEM combination is the most powerful therapeutic
combination that we have. Compared to the MDMA--2C-B combination, which we also hold
in excellent regard, the MEM combination has a smoother transition into the second substance,
so that it is more of a continuation of the MDMA state. The MEM is more centering, like
MDMA, which makes it easy to work with and yet permits normal functioning on physical
tasks. There seem to be less side-avenues and body effects than with 2C-B. There is a
powerful push from the substance which keeps one working in a positive direction for a
number of hours.
A possible drawback is that it may push people into areas for which they are not ready. Consequently subjects should be well motivated to address their problems if they wish to employ this combination. While the body feels good and cleansed afterward, a lot of work has been done and there is quite a drain on the body. Recovery of full energy may take several days.
Sabrina, our beloved adopted daughter, is moving out of the area to a new location where we will most likely seldom see her. In her new location, she will be able to conduct her practice as a midwife with proper medical supervision. We are having one last experience together to give her a chance to evaluate the new combination we feel is so effective.
Jean, Sabrina, and I take 120 m.g. of MDMA. We have preceded this two hours earlier
with a 600 m.g. capsule of potassium chloride (Micro-K Extencaps) which we have found
reduces the dehydration effects of MDMA and results in more comfortable body feelings. We
quickly move into a beautiful, loving experience with much warmth and closeness. We walk
to the spot where Sabrina had once erected a teepee, and then to the sweat lodge she had
constructed. Both of these are very important to the Native American Indian work to which
Sabrina feels called. It is very sad and beautiful as we recount our outstanding times together,
and the pain of our separating. But we know she moves on into a new, productive,
adventurous life, and we accept it with grace.
An hour and a half later, Sabrina takes 20 m.g. of MEM, Jean and I 15 m.g. each. There is a very smooth transition into the MEM experience. In about 15 minutes, we begin to feel more power and openness. We stay in good communication and closeness. We cannot believe it when we observe that two hours have gone by. An hour later we take another capsule of potassium chloride. Still another hour later, I feel very dehydrated and take a third capsule, which resolves the problem. We have a wonderful afternoon, but no profound heights. In the late afternoon Sabrina is experiencing back pains and a headache. She decides to go to a neighbor to take a hot-tub. I suggest that before she leaves, we try Gendlin's focusing procedure (see Chapter 3, Note 9) for her bodily discomforts. She agrees. She lies down on the couch and goes into it immediately. I feel strongly guided; the procedure flows easily. I feel much pain in Sabrina. The handles she chooses are words like pain, pressure, dark, block, hold; she moves through them with little resistance. At the end of forty-five minutes I wonder if she has accomplished enough. She reports that she is continually uncovering deeper layers, so we proceed. Suddenly the word "pierce" comes, and she moves into a spontaneous experience. She feels that she is in a past life, and is fleeing with her people from the enemy. She feels that she is masculine, and is either their shaman or their leader. She feels very tired, and that her work is done and that it is time to go. She stands between her people and the enemy, and "calls the lance," which strikes her in the neck. Her people pull her and drag her with them. She cries, "No, no!" feeling deeply that they don't understand, that it is her time to go, and to leave her alone. They finally comprehend and leave her to die, which is a great release. She then goes through a long, dark tunnel, continually asking, "Why is there so much pain?" She sees some light in a circle around the opening of the tunnel; here there is peace. I can feel her resistance dissolving, and the peace and exultation move in. She experiences the very deep pain she feels with her father, being completely misunderstood and isolated. Because her father rejected her, she rejected her father. Now she sees this is senseless revenge, bringing much, much pain to them both. She gains deep insight and understanding of their relationship. Next she finds that it is really true, the body can handle the vast energy from above. One doesn't have to leave the body and go to another level for this vitality. But to handle this prodigious energy, one must not let the body dictate, but must direct the energy properly. Sabrina has an enormous release with great peace and euphoria, which invades us all. I feel all of my own load drop as Sabrina moves into this experience of exultation. A profound understanding passes between Sabrina and me. I feel that at last she truly sees herself and me. She expresses that she has felt me with her all the way. She says, "Midwives need midwives," which moves me to tears. From my standpoint, I simply sat quietly, focusing my energy without conceptual thought. As she went through the tunnel, I felt that she needed to learn to shift her focus from pain to peace. I held my focus on peace, and the peace and exultation grew enormously as she broke through. I have no way of knowing whether my silent focusing helped her steer in this direction, or whether the increase in peace that I felt simply resulted from her reaching this level. In any event, both Jean and I were lifted to high levels of exultation. [My current understanding, a number of years after this experience, is that the bonding becomes so great in these experiences that we are very likely co-experiencing strong feelings.] Following her breakthroughs, Sabrina looks very young. Her back pains are gone, and there is an enormous bond among the three of us. She still has some headache, for which she takes tylenol. We get further release of deep feelings through dancing to high energy dance music. We retire with an enormous feeling of accomplishment. We can think of no better way to help Sabrina embark on her new journey.
2C-T-2, code name for 2,5-dimethoxy-4-ethylthiophenethylamine(2), is one of the best general purpose psychedelics we have run across. It is effective over a dose range of 12 to 30 m.g. We have occasionally used it at lower doses, 8 to 10 m.g., for the purpose of monitoring others taking MDMA, as mentioned in Chapter 3. We found it to be an excellent general purpose work horse. It retains some of the euphoric centering qualities of MDMA, which make it pleasant to work with. At the same time, it provides considerably more opening, similar to the more powerful psychedelics such as LSD, without the propensity of the latter to drop one into disturbing pools of repressed feelings. This permits exploring a wide range of levels of thought and inner feelings. It is a long acting substance which can take up an entire day. The plateau at peak lasts for a good five hours, giving one plenty of time to work and enjoy. There is not the driving push from the drug that the classic psychedelics provide, so that one retains considerably more volition. Yet there is sufficient drive to explore any area that is truly desired, from one's own feelings to interpersonal relationships to the nature of the cosmos. Motivation is the key. With practice the earnest seeker can use 2C-T-2 to investigate whatever area of consciousness interests her/him. And for the most part, it is a comfortable, enjoyable vehicle with which to do the exploring. Our first experience of 2C-T-2 was with a group of close friends. I take 14 m.g., Jean 12 m.g. The drug is quite gradual in its onset, taking about two hours to reach full intensity.
As the intensity develops, I develop some of my entry-type discomfort. Fortunately
after an hour or so, this dissipates and I enter into a stage of enjoyment. This is facilitated by
the bantering and good will of the group. We all reach a good space, charged with energy.
This leads to the most enjoyable interchange I have experienced with this group up to this date.
We find that the chemical has considerably heightened our sense of humor and creativeness to
have fun. We also have insightful discussions. We find it difficult to break up before
midnight.
This experience left me quite whole and well-centered. The only thing missing is what I call the spiritual element, or my feeling the presence of God. Yet driving home four days later I had profound spiritual realizations. Our first replication of 2C-T-2 without the group came several months later, with the same dosage:
We move into the experience progressing alternatively between positive and negative
feelings. We are able to discuss our feelings with each other more freely than ever before.
We are both aware of our deep anger with each other, and are able to express it without
rancor. Jean feels smothered by me, and I see clearly how I do this.
I discover within myself a feeling of being "left out," and how painful this is. I am driven to many useless devices to avoid this pain. As I look at myself through the eyes of my friends, I find no qualities that would make them seek my company. I am able to see this with detachment and humor, and am able to laugh at my always striving to be front and center. I try 'feeling wanted' on for size, and this helps me feel better. We discuss freedom, and the importance of giving it to each other. This makes me feel a painful loneliness, but is a worthwhile price to pay for granting freedom. I feel that God is very lonely in extending freedom to His people. But He would never violate the personal freedom of others to escape loneliness. He greatly appreciates those who recognize and acknowledge Him. [I realize that the concept that God can be lonely may violate some people's ideas of God. But as I have deepened my personal relationship with God over the years, and comprehend more than ever the vastness of the Mystery that we cannot fathom, I still hold to this view. I personally cherish my anthropomorphic view of God. While this is a very narrow aspect of a vast reality, it is still personally very meaningful to me. This position has at times helped me through some very rough places, as these reports indicate.] Music is powerful, and I reach a magnificent height in which I experience the Supreme Female. She is indescribable beautiful, exquisitely loving, sensitive, tender, nourishing; it is worth life itself to be even momentarily in a ray of this magnificent Presence. I move higher to achieve complete union with this Presence. I feel fear because I am alone, and I'm afraid that without the support and relationship of others, I will move into a private, narrow world and be totally unconcerned for others. At this moment Jean enters the room! I reach heights of love and beauty, totally discharging any uncomfortable feelings. Despite this, another wave of anger comes over me at the excruciating pain of being rejected. I see that I am rejecting Jean in many ways. The anger continues to grow, until I decide to turn the experience around by consciously creating love. To do this I find I must be very gentle, not forcing it, but allowing the love to build up. This incorporates the principals I had discovered in the Supreme Female. This brought back all the marvelous feelings of joy, beauty, and transcendence I had experienced before. This experience was remarkably rejuvenating, and felt like a new lease on life. Here is another experience with a young couple who were undergoing considerable difficulty in their relationship. Joyce and Vern have lived together for five years. They have shared several sacramental journeys, with real growth in understanding. Vern has a very lucrative business installing concrete footings and foundations, but his body is giving out on him, so that he is in constant stress and pain. Joyce is fed up with living in an incomplete house, and with what she describes as Vern's rigidity, not acknowledging her, being totally immersed in himself and his work, and carrying such a huge burden of heaviness that she no longer enjoys being around him. She openly discusses leaving him. We have a long, exploratory discussion to determine whether there is any point in having an experience. Joyce does not want to leave harboring so much resentment and wants to find love for herself and Vern. Vern wishes to drop his heavy burdens and find how to enter a new vocation of finishing wood work, which he very much loves.
We all take 2C-T-2, Joyce and Vern 14 m.g. each, Jean and I 12 m.g. The intensity
increases steadily for three hours. We have easy conversation, covering many aspects of the
dynamics of life. Joyce is sharp, alert, and clear-headed, a joy to talk with. Vern is quiet,
pleasant, strong, likable, and hard-working. It is clear he is well over his head, both in the
relationship and in the projects he is trying to complete without adequate time.
At one point we lie down with our heads touching, and listen to a tape. Both have participated in Indian ceremonies, so we choose Sounds of the Shaman. It is a powerful tape of a highly developed American Indian Shaman producing a variety of intense sounds -- long, pronounced deep breathing, rattles, bird cries, evocations. These sounds are created to facilitate moving into unfamiliar states of awareness. It causes Joyce to confront her fears, and she finds herself proceeding from the position of a frightened mouse to an eagle, from the untrusting coyote to trust. The rest of the day goes beautifully, with excellent communication, clear insights, and a powerful euphoria growing in all of us. We experience love, trust and gratitude for the wonder and beauty of life. Joyce and Vern reach a point where they feel good being together; they have cleared up a great deal of negative material within themselves. They talk openly and honestly, with much greater understanding of each other. Joyce finds many fine qualities in Vern she had been unwilling to see before. Vern feels that he has dropped a heavy load, and can approach his tasks at home with renewed energy, fresh attitudes and understanding. He now feels that the stress of their deteriorating relationship may be partially responsible for his body problems. He finds that he is enjoying concrete work more than he had realized. However, he does want to get out of this hard physical labor. They left the next day much happier, freer, and with a great deal more understanding and willingness to confront their situation. Joyce is not sure if she will stay, but at least she will leave knowing that she loves Vern. Jean and I both had an excellent experience. We learned to surmount our own personal concerns and thereby be better companions for others struggling with problems. Joyce found 2C-T-2 excellent to work with. It allowed her to look into the dark places without pushing her. She knew she had the choice to turn away if she wished, but her honesty compelled her to get as much as possible from the experience. Continued use of 2C-T-2 revealed many valuable properties. We gained a great deal of experience with this substance personally, and with a number of subjects. A more formal investigation was conducted with the first time use of 40 subjects, and is reported in the reference of Chapter 3, Note 3.
2C-T-7, code name for 2,5-dimethoxy-4-(n)-propylthiophenethylamine(3), is another one of the outstanding phenethylamine compounds. In many respects it is very similar to 2C-T-2. It has the same dose range, although there have been occasions where 10 m.g was quite powerful and adequate. It takes about two hours to reach full intensity, has a broad, approximately five hour plateau of full activity, and has a long, gradual descent. There is evidence that it is even more euphoric than 2C-T-2. Several of our subjects who experienced dark regions with 2C-T-2 discovered 2C-T-7 to be continually enjoyable. Here is the report of our first trial with 2C-T-7:
We each start with 12 m.g. Not much is happening, so an hour and a half later, Jean
takes an additional 3 m.g. and I add 8 m.g. I spend most of the day releasing to my Inner
Teacher. I clear up a deep charge of loneliness. Later I find it satisfying to respond
immediately to inner impulses without squelching them. I do some neglected repair work on
power lines feeding our pump house. Using a hacksaw, I learn how tense and compulsive I
am, and how much better things work by relaxing and letting the universe cooperate.
Later, relaxing on the deck, my thinking is free and clear. My previous chore demonstrated the power of focusing the mind. I now focus on love, with most rewarding results. Vestiges of discomfort clear up. I see the great value of holding love in the face of diversity. I get a powerful insight: let any feeling of discomfort remind me of the wonder, beauty, and bountifulness of the universe. This works much better than my habitual response, which is to wonder what is wrong. I discover my strong desire for POWER, and how wonderful it feels to permit it to course through my being. I have worked hard to hide this realization from myself. As I share this with Jean, she says "Of course!" as if to say, what else is new? "Power is useful, but it must always be used with love." I see I still hold restrictions on Jean. As I relinquish them, I can freely explore various dimensions of her being. This is enormously rewarding. We agree to drop our restrictions on each other and be true friends. I get the clearest realization yet of how everything I look at is part of me. I have no sense of self-boundary. Everything exists to help us if we can just let it in. Wonder and beauty are everywhere. I don't need to manipulate anything; just letting things be is ultimate satisfaction. This experience relieved me of much burden I was carrying, permitting me to function more effectively. I am much more able to stay focused on my writing. I have lost my sense of impatience while doing menial tasks. Also, some arthritis in my thumb that was threatening to become chronic disappeared. I feel this is an excellent substance, very clear, very permissive, and easier on the body than 2C-T-2. A month later:
Jean takes 18 m.g. of 2C-T-7; I take 20 m.g. Jean becomes very intoxicated, very much
enjoying the experience. We have excellent communication, sharing our resentments of each
other and what we wish of our partner that we have not been receiving. We find that we each
have withheld many private thoughts from each other. Our discussion clears up many areas of
misunderstanding, but most importantly, yields a marvelous feeling of inner freedom. I
discover that a lot of the psychic burden I carry is "withholds" -- things I think and feel but
don't verbalize. Declaring what is on my mind produces a wonderful sense of freedom.
We reach an intensity of enjoyment beyond what we have previously experienced together. We deeply feel our love for each other, and greatly appreciate the enchantment of our surroundings. The beauty grows with focused appreciation. I find the secret is "to let God live;" to allow His presence at all times in whatever we are doing. Jean and I commit ourselves to maintaining this outstanding space of love and clear communication. Despite the closeness developed in these experiences, difficulties arose in Jean's and my relationship. Continued work exposed ever deeper layers of anger and self-hatred, which we projected on each other. Jean, never deeply involved in self-awareness, was confronted with a variety of new feelings. And despite my becoming more loving, my improved perceptions resulted in me becoming more critical and frustrated. I also believed that I had done all that I could to resolve my own feelings, and that I could not find comfort unless Jean resolved her resentments, which seemed unlikely. We reached a breaking point and decided to part. But we had planned to attend a weekend retreat at Sky High Ranch, and agreed to complete this before any final decisions. As it turned out, we both received a good deal of valuable counseling there, which convinced us that our miserable feelings were of our own creation. This resulted in a decision to make our relationship work. The following experience followed shortly after this:
Jean takes 18 m.g. of 2C-T-7, I take 20 m.g. We spend a good deal of time clarifying
communication, agreeing on household procedures, reviewing our histories, discussing her
mother and her dislike for me. Many things come to light, but Jean is very uncomfortable.
There is a heavy weight between us.
We listen to music, and we are carried away. I see we can open up to the universe, leave the gritty stuff behind, and look for the best of all possible worlds. This means seeing the highest in each other, acknowledging, supporting, and empowering each other. My experience completely turns around, and the heaviness evaporates into love. I see Jean totally differently. There is an infinite source of love to draw upon, and there is no such thing as tiredness. Energy and love are always available. The first commandment resounds through me, in its utter, full dimensions. I fully comprehend what it means to love God with all my heart and all my soul and all my strength and all my mind. It is mind-boggling, an incomprehensible love. I look around at the sky and the mountains, and ask to see what is the true nature of reality if I do absolutely nothing to influence it. A great euphoria begins to quietly build. I do nothing to encourage it, but simply keep observing. An enormous power grows within, and everything is filled with light. I see that my concept of the Central Power Source is accurate. Focusing on this creates some tensions in my body. These have been formed by previous striving, and are now surfacing into awareness. As I observe the tensions and release them as with vipassana breath meditation, they dissipate. Everything flows together in the extraordinary space of pure, harmonious existence. All the difficulties with Jean have evaporated, and we enjoy an outstanding closeness and harmony. I see her at times with a remarkable inner beauty shining forth, the manifestation of her Celestial nature, which simply melts me in love. This experience cemented the change in our relationship. While it was not the end of our differences or our difficulties, it brought a determination on both of our parts to make our relationship work. Jean and I reaped a great deal of personal benefit from 2C-T-7. We observed its use on numerous occasions with others, which confirmed our assessment of the value of this compound. The more formal study of 2C-T-2 described above included seven subjects who took 2C-T-7.
Of the remaining substances we have tried on a limited basis, there are a few that are worth mentioning because of their interesting potential. These are described below.
2C-T-21, code name for 2,5-dimethoxy-4-(2-fluoroethylthio)phenethylamine(4), is a very interesting substance, quite different from the other psychoactive drugs. In fact, it is not psychedelic, but a wonderful energizer. It raises mood and spirit, raises the energy level, increases wit and sense of humor, facilitates communication, and in general provides an excellent good time. All of this with no sacrifice in appetite. Most of the other active compounds tend to be anorectic during their active period. In short, it produces the state that most people are looking for when they drink alcohol, but without drunkenness or depressing any other faculties. There is no hangover, but instead a reasonable amount of bodily rejuvenation. So it is a laudable compound for group enjoyment when no serious work is intended. Jean and I have enjoyed a number of excellent sessions with friends using this chemical. I was curious to see what the results would be when I took it alone:
I feel greater intensity than with the group. Looking inside, I find I can examine issues,
and look at several. The most interesting is examining my concept of the Central Furnace.
This is my understanding that the center of our being is our essence where life energy
manifests, and it is through this life energy that we are connected to all others and the rest of
creation. My experience is that as you approach this core, you discover a brilliant,
penetrating, overpowering light of indescribable beauty. This is love itself, or God, residing
at our central core. This is what I call the Central Furnace.
In this experience, I get a sense of it, and attempt to intensify it. As I do this, it seems to me that I simultaneously intensify Hell, as Heaven and Hell must stay in balance. So it is better to achieve some transcendent level that integrates them both. But four days later, I have to revise my evaluation. I have a lasting feeling of a central, interior warmth within myself. This was produced by my willingness to concentrate on the Central Furnace for some time. Giving it my attention helped to bring it into reality. Now I see no harm in doing this. In fact, it produced a considerable benefit. As I now understand it, if it is attempted out of one's willful determination, the result is as first described. Willfully attempting to create the positive automatically creates its counterpart, the negative. Now it seems clear that the proper procedure is to focus, or ask, and then let the development come from a deeper source within, which takes surrender. This clearly seems the way to become Co-Creator. [This ties in with my concept of being partners with God, a view that runs through most of my major experiences.] 2C-T-21 permits bending to some extent to individual exploration, but is far surpassed in this regard by many other compounds. Its most satisfying use appears to be in group situations as described above. A word of caution: One experienced couple we know fell into a dark, frightening hole with this compound. They were convinced that it is toxic. It is extremely important to remember that when working with these substances, there is no such thing as a casual experiment. One must always have recourse to knowledge and skillful means, and always be prepared for unexpected eruptions of the unconscious mind. As far as I know, no one else has reported a similar difficulty with 2C-T-21.
2C-T-4, code name for 2,5-dimethoxy-4-(i)-propylthiophenethylamine, has characteristics quite similar to 2C-T-2 except that it is considerably longer acting. We have had it only twice, and our first experience with it was outstanding. We found it more benign than 2C-T-2, perhaps because lasting all day and evening, the intensity of the chemical grew more gradu ally and was easier to handle. We found it a superb way to put in a long day. Here is a report of our first trial:
Jean takes 8 m.g. and I take 9 m.g. of 2C-T-4. We have a marvelous ascent -- clean,
gentle, and smooth. Our perception is heightened, and conversation is easy. We enjoy talking
over many things for which we ordinarily don't take time.
I spend a good deal of time exploring inside, which is very rewarding. It is easy to explore questions and find answers. I strike a deep loneliness, which resolves as my love for myself grows. I focus on self-love until I finally break free with a substantial appreciation of myself. This is most fulfilling. The experience grows in intensity over a three hour period, and stays at the peak for many hours afterward. It becomes a complete, profound, and thorough exploration. This is a remarkable substance, allowing me to look anywhere and explore any chosen subject. Bodywise, it is clean and clear. The experience remains smooth and gentle. Even exploring uncomfortable areas, there is still a good feeling tone. I see clearly into my own functioning, relationships, the dynamics of people I focus on, and general philosophical truths. I find it best to let go and simply flow with the experience, following wherever it takes me. This leads to a growing euphoria, a feeling of clearing out body residues, and often culminates in profound insight. Thinking continues to grow in clarity throughout the day, and visual perception is crystal clear. The scenery is outstanding. Closeness and understanding with Jean develop steadily during the day. It is a most enjoyable time together. A major problem I work on is the sluggish feelings that arise from time to time. I find it best to simply ride them through. As the day develops, it becomes easier to change my feelings by changing the focus of my thoughts. A major lesson is honesty, to simply be what I am with all of my idiosyncrasies, and stop trying to make things different. I achieve an exceptional state of peace and contentment with myself and the way things are. Dancing to high energy dance music uncovers a lot of new, intense feelings, leading to some of the most profound realizations of the day. I strike a profound dichotomy: on the one hand, everyone is God and can resolve their own burdens, so I don't have to do anything. On the other hand, I am Christ and only by my being willing to lift the burden of others can the world be helped. [This is somewhat like a high level realization I experienced sometime later with my friend Gil (see Chapter 11), that the highest state of all is caring with all of your might, while simultaneously not caring with all of your might. Whoever comprehends this is well along the path!] I see there is nothing wrong with having high standards, as long as I apply them to myself. I profoundly see the equality of everyone, and my proper relationship to others. Persons on tight time schedules will have a hard time working in the occasion for 2C-T-4. Jean and I like setting aside a day for an experience, and that being the case, it might as well be a full one! This substance certainly offered us a rich, full, extremely rewarding day.
Every once in a while a new compound comes down the pike which is particularly outstanding, the greatly sought-after elixir that produces the +4 experience (see Appendix II for rating scale definitions). One never knows whether it is the special properties of the compound, the psychic state and disposition of the subject, a fortunate combination of environment and companions, a particular combination of individual body chemistry and the compound, or some composite of the above. But on the occasion of my one and only trial with 2C-T-8, all of the necessary factors were present for a memorable, outstanding experience. 2C-T-8, code name for 2,5-dimethoxy-4-cyclopropylmethylthiophenethylamine(6), is a long-acting phenethylamine compound less potent than 2C-T-2 or 2C-T-7. Here is a report of our first experience:
Jean takes 39 m.g. of 2C-T-8, I take 40 m.g. While waiting for developments, I decide
to work on the novel I have been writing. For several days I have been blocked, and not able
to produce anything. I become aware of many facets of the characters and the possibilities that
could open up in their lives. Also, of many twists and turns the plot can take. I have enough
material to keep me writing for days!
The day continues remarkably. I feel exceptionally good, there is no trace of "below the line," the customary sludginess I always have to work through, and I achieve a state of monumental insight and understanding. This is a real awakening, as though I had never before known how to properly use these compounds. I see myself as a fantastic computer. I am infinite being, with all resources contained in my vastness. Anything I wish to see is like pressing the keys on a computer keyboard to call up a particular file. In this case, the key is the focus of my attention. As I hold a central thought in my mind it unfolds, revealing the contents of the file. I have an absolutely marvelous time for several hours operating my computer, examining various concepts. Some of the key words I focus on are: a. Love. As I look at Jean to feel my love for her, I realize that loving is not just seeing God at the core of the person -- God is part of the whole being, including the ego and all the person's idiosyncrasies. As Jean moves around, I delight in watching every little movement. As I direct love at myself, I encounter a lot of resistance. I keep holding love, and come to peace with much of myself. At one point I get a glimpse of my soul, or Anima -- that fantastically beautiful Feminine Presence that is a figure of radiance and light which fills everything with wonder. I find the title of Jampolsky's book Love is Letting Go of Fear an excellent guide. By replacing with love the initial fear I often feel when I release to explore inside, the fear dissipates and indeed turns to love. This is also a good way to deal with anger. b. Peace. A most wondrous thing to feel out and experience. c. Gratitude. Gratitude is certainly a major key to life. When observing with gratitude, it affirms the beauty and reality of the focus of attention. This in turn reveals more depth to be grateful for. Which increases gratitude. This rises to incredible heights of experience, and floods through all aspects of life. Marvelous, marvelous. Being grateful for Jean, I discover that she is a perfect partner for me. d. Jean. Jean has gone through a struggle of whether she wanted to live or die. She is terribly afraid of being alone. We are able to talk very openly and honestly. We are extremely grateful to be with each other, and to share this experience just with the two of us. We acknowledge our need for each other. She is doing very honest work, going deeply and comprehensively into her feelings. As we discuss loneliness, we confirm that once we discover our true inner being we are never alone. Yet there is great joy and wonder in being with and sharing energy with others. We realize that we do a lot to shut each other out. This ultimately builds a wall within us which shuts us off from life. We agree to stay open to each other. When Jean goes to the studio to paint, I find loneliness creep in. I define myself as confident, able, and enjoying my work. I soon feel a wonderful sense of freedom. I release my dependence on having other people around. I now enjoy being at my computer while Jean is in the studio painting. e. Prostate. As I examine my prostate difficulty, I see my problem is not properly handling waste. This is symbolized by not being able to empty my bladder. I pick up a lot of psychic garbage in life, as well as physical junk I have a hard time throwing away. I resolve to dispose of waste. [Several years later, while I have made quite a bit of progress, I still need to be much tougher on this score!] f. Anger. In my meditation the following morning, I am surprised to run into monumental anger. I find this stems from being deprived of intimacy. I generate even more anger by trying to convince myself that I don't really need intimacy and can exist self-sufficiently. I feel a great deal of benefit from discharging this anger and replacing it with love. It seems clear that holding back anger could well be responsible for the swelling of the prostate gland. An interesting item to research. This has been a most productive experience, and at the same time was free of discomfort. Therefore we were surprised to hear that with other experimenters there were as many negatives as positives. 2C-T-8 consequently has not been actively pursued. I am left with the dilemma of how I can have such a remarkable experience on a substance that many others find unsatisfactory!
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