Writing this book has been a very rewarding enterprise. Reviewing the raw material from which this book was drawn has driven home how abundantly I have been blessed -- for the outstanding experiences I have had, the wonderful people that I have met and shared with, the thrill of entering new dimensions of understanding, and the joy of realizing how wonderful life can be as important truths are accepted and acted upon.

Before recounting what I consider to be valuable realizations from my work with psychedelics, I wish to address a few issues that may be of concern. The first is the issue of addiction. I was rather shocked one morning when a good psychologist friend told me over the phone, "Myron, you are addicted to psychedelics!"

I hung up the phone, looked out the window at one of my favorite mountain peaks, and pondered this question. The answer came flooding in. "Thank God!" I could profoundly see how blessed I have been, what remarkable experiences I have had, how I have been privileged to learn priceless information concerning many aspects of reality, how I have learned of the unspeakable wonder of Divine Love, and am even learning to manifest it a bit. I gave thanks to be so blessed, and grateful that I had had the good sense to make important, if difficult, choices: the choice to seek and learn, the choice to surrender to whatever reality wished to manifest, and that most challenging choice of all -- to put what I had learned into living action. With these choices there is no end to exploring, to learning, to loving, to enjoying. So yes, I am addicted, just as I am addicted to sex, good food, good music, and the company of good friends. I will always go back for more whenever appropriate.

Can others become addicted? No doubt. There are addictive personalities who can become addicted to almost anything. These most likely are the ones who are starved for contact with their innermost being. The separation from one's soul is, I believe, the most painful thing humankind can experience. Because of the agony, we are extremely adept at shielding this pain from conscious awareness. But this hidden pain demands mitigation. So we will look for any outlet to try to assuage this feeling of inner emptiness, as I have mentioned in several reports in this volume. Most devices we seek are attempts to assure ourselves of our inherent worth, a search that can only be genuinely fulfilled by discovery of our true inner nature.

Many, no doubt, have found temporary solace in psychedelic substances. But only true, rich encounters with our inner being can dissolve the pain and permit a fresh, immediate understanding of life and show the appropriate way to a joyful, fulfilling life.

Rewarding outcomes require good preparation. Important factors assuring good results include honest intent, good information, sound teachers and guides, and a good peer group who will candidly reflect feelings and perceptions. A powerful influence for continuing development is the Buddhist custom of committing oneself to the welfare and happiness of beings.

Is there any physical deterioration from the use of psychedelic substances? With intelligent use I have found that they convincingly produce the opposite.

My own mental state has cleared up steadily as I have worked through and abandoned the inner dross I had accumulated most of my life from painful betrayals, repressed painful memories, deep conditioning, and living out of harmony with my true self. While at age seventy-three I am beginning to notice some memory loss, especially as regards to names, in most other ways my mind has gained clarity and I can think more productively than ever before. I now often experience the flow of ideation and the broadening of concepts that used to be available only under the influence of a sacrament. I have to admit to being amused when, after I have shared with others my tendency toward forgetfulness, they say, "Yeah, that's happening more and more to me too!" And they are usually fifteen to twenty years younger than I.

I am still in excellent physical health, and very much enjoy a good hike at least once a week, gaining a thousand feet or more in elevation. While many of my friends recommend vitamins, antioxidants, smart pills, etc., I find the sacraments the best overall vitamins for producing rejuvenation, vitality, and zest for life.

I have already discussed sexual satisfaction in Chapter 4, Story of a Marriage.

With all of these attributes, wouldn't you think that pleasure-happy American people would rush to embrace these substances? No. The reasons are quite clear, and powerful. To achieve these results requires honesty and fortitude. It requires the willingness to abandon pet ideas and the yearning for superiority, so that new, vital information can be learned. It requires a willingness to face up to the errors of the past. And if one is not willing to abandon harmful or destructive behavior, psychedelic experiences can leave one more uncomfortable than before imbibing.

So these substances work best for honest persons who truly wish to grow, who fully appreciate life and are looking for additional ways to participate in it and express their gratitude. Such people have no doubt already discovered useful frameworks for their development.

The above requirements for productive outcomes may rule out large numbers of people. All we ask of them is that they not be disturbed if they don't understand. We simply ask to please let those who wish to dig more deeply into wisdom and serve life more fully to be allowed to do so. In the end, all will benefit!

As I review my own use of the sacraments, I am aware that much of my life has been a struggle to become free of ponderous weights that seem to drag like heavy anchors. But as the anchors were recognized and cut free, and more importantly, as I recognized and accepted the forces in the universe that are there to pick up the weights and cut the entangling ropes, I was able to achieve greater freedom and joy.

Now as I survey the planet, I can see wonderful places of light and beauty, but also many shadows, some of which are very grim. But I have learned it is possible to live more and more in the sunlight. I have glimpsed intimations of the brilliant, heavenly light that suffuses all -- a light so radiant, so healing, so completely full of love that it is sheer ecstasy to be immersed in it. In my highest moments, I can momentarily become this light. From this plane of existence the celestial light shines wherever I look, in every living creature, in every created object.

I can see that when immersed in the celestial light, life is completely transformed. As Brother Lawrence describes in The Practice of the Presence of God, the most menial task can be irradiated with this heavenly light that it is our privilege to emit. The most irksome task can be an act of worship and celebration.

I am aware of the possibility of participating ever more deeply in the transcendental light. I know that it becomes more constant as I commit myself to it and learn how to allow it to manifest. A vital part of this learning is seeing the light manifested in others. It is eminently satisfying to focus on the happiness and welfare of others.

There are some serious spiritual seekers who see this earthly plane of existence as a form of purgatory, where we learn what we must and then leave it behind. There is supposedly a much superior plane of existence beyond this material world.

While this may be so and some find this notion compelling, I am presently more enthralled with the potential of existence on this earthly plane. Like Sri Aurobindo, I see the goal as bringing the Divine into the world. I am convinced that this worldly level of existence was created for an important reason. Humankind is in the very primitive stages of awakening; we have a great deal further to go in order to discover and realize the full, exciting potential of earthly existence. I see enormous opportunities for us to develop ourselves, to incorporate in our beings and actions more and more Divine love, to transform ourselves and the world into a paradise -- the true Kingdom of God.

It doesn't mean that we have to abandon any of the activities we are now engaged in, except for those that interfere with the well-being and happiness of ourselves and others. We can learn to do most all the things we now do, except with real joy, interest, and excitement. We can discover and create new things even more exciting and fulfilling.

It may be that mankind has become too depraved to allow the Kingdom to manifest on a broad scale. But it is hard for me to see how anyone with true understanding can avoid dedicating him/herself to the goal of liberation for everyone. After all, we are all One, and I cannot reach true liberation until all have been liberated. Yes, I can free myself, but there will always be that area of pain that shall exist as long as another human being somewhere is hurting. I may learn to turn my attention away from it, but it will always be there when I look. I am confident that as each individual becomes free, I will experience more freedom.

I agree that we must surrender, that we must learn to die. The Buddhists are right -- our desires and investments are the prime causes of suffering. As we relinquish our investments, our pet ideas, our repressed feelings, our ignorance, and as we acknowledge our shadow, it becomes possible to experience larger dimensions of ourself. These other dimensions are enormously gratifying, ultimately rooted in indescribable love.

My personal experiences have helped me appreciate the vastness of the love God holds for each of us, and the incredible love we can learn to pass on to others. Some say that for true liberation the self must be annihilated. But so far, even though I have witnessed the dimensions of my being expand to infinite proportions, including the entire created universe, I have always found that I am still here, faced with the incredible mystery of the vastness of myself and the wonder of Divine Glory that cares for me and fills me.

I have much to learn and realize and hopefully contribute in this exciting enterprise. When I need to learn more, to gain greater understanding, I know that the best thing to do is to relinquish myself to my Teacher, open myself to new experience, and allow myself to be shown what wishes to manifest. I am confident that when it is important for me to take another step, it shall happen in this manner. I hope to have the courage to stay open and to follow where I am led. In the meantime, I am enormously grateful for what has transpired to date.

In mulling over all of this and watching the ups and downs in my state of being as I have progressed through these various experiences, I have been repeatedly surprised about how much of the responsibility I have had to shoulder. I had always thought that if I were surrendered and open, I would be filled with love and function perfectly. Instead I often lapsed into an uncomfortable state of passive detachment. Time and again I have been reminded that I have already been shown the answer to the problem facing me, and it is up to me to act on it. I have repeatedly found it necessary to deepen my resolve, to deepen my intention, to wake up, to pay attention. Intentionality is a most important requirement of the committed life.

But equally important is learning how to be open and to surrender, to be perfectly still, to listen from deeply within the soul. I find that it is in the appropriate balance of these dynamics -- surrendering to discover new wisdom, and taking responsibility for action -- that life moves forward most satisfactorily.

When I am whole, there is no distinction between God and myself. Such concepts disappear, and life flows with an indescribable, spontaneous grace. But in my present state many things pull me down, and I cannot maintain such a state of wholeness. When I relapse, the most effective means I have found to reestablish my true self is my understanding of being a partner with God, and of how this partnership works. This is a partnership, as I understand it, that every being must work out for him/herself. Full partnership requires a comprehensive understanding of the remarkable role that we have been created to fill, and how unstintingly our loving endeavors are supported. Short of full union with God, it is in this partnership that life reaches its most glorious, sublime, exciting, purely joyous heights.

It is my earnest hope that these pages have revealed enough information to inspire others to start or deepen their commitment to the path of true fulfillment.

1. Brother Lawrence. Practice of the Presence of God. New York: Walker and Co. 1985.